Are You Worthless or Just Flawed?

Shame is rooted in the lies we believe about ourselves. Where there are no lies there is no shame.  A big lie that many believe, in one form or another, is that we are worthless.  We see a flaw, an imperfection or defect in ourselves and we take the flying leap of logic that if we are flawed we might as well give up. 

That’s a huge mistake. 

Here’s a secret that you might not know: we are all flawed. No one is perfect. We all wrestle with something. There. Does that help?  It doesn’t fix your flaw but another lie of shame is that YOU are the only one with a problem. YOU don’t fit in. Everyone else has their act together. YOU are a misfit. 

Don’t go there.   

It helps to know that we are all in the same boat.  We are all flawed. We all need help and that’s why rather than pointing the finger at each other we should come together to help and encourage each other. Most people work very hard at covering up their flaws. But don't be fooled. They are there. You are not alone.

The Bible tells us that something happened to us as a race.  We lost something.  Something’s missing. It’s been that way from the beginning.  That’s not a lie. That’s the truth and we all know it.   There' no need to beat each other up about it or judge people for it.  

But it's helpful  to know what kind of material we are starting with when we seek to find healing for our hurts. Denying our flaws only prolongs the healing. Embrace the flaw and move on. I can’t get healing for my disease until I admit I have it.  Don’t let the shame of your issues cause you to go into hiding. Face the truth. Admit your flaws and seek help. And most importantly...invite God into the process. He knows what’s missing. He will lead you to a place of help and healing if you listen and follow.

To learn more check out Healing the Hurts of Your Past.

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Defining the Pain of Shame

Everybody experiences shame...at some level.  We may not be in touch with it. But it's there. 

The Bible is right. Somewhere... somehow... something went seriously wrong. We lost our way and fell short of what we were created to be.

None of us are perfect, yet... we long for perfection. When we miss the mark, it feels bad. For some it's a fleeting twinge of pain that comes on occasion. For other's it's a stabbing pain that stalks them daily.

That's shame.

Shame is a sense of worthlessness, a sense of being defective. Someone described it to me once as being "damaged goods"... like you are a dropped product in a store and so you get removed from the shelf and tossed in the back, waiting to be thrown out. You've lost your value. And because of that you have this overriding sense of not belonging, not fitting in.

Shame also involves the fear of exposure. YOU know that you are defective but the game of life is to keep other people from knowing it. It's bad enough to BE flawed, but it's doubly bad to have the world gawking at your flaws, either shaking their head in derision or laughing at your futility.

Shame causes you to live in a fear of rejection. If you are flawed and don't fit in, then it's only natural that when you are exposed that you will be rejected. Who wants to associate with a loser?

It's no wonder that shames causes so much pain.

Inherent to shame are the lies we believe. Where there are no lies there is no shame. It's the lies of shame that cause us to leap from the idea of "damaged" to "worthless" or from "flawed" to "forgettable". That's where it's so important to find a source outside of ourselves that defines our worth. If we return to the God that created us we'll find that he's not there to condemn us but give us the value that he always intended for us to have. That's where healing begins.

Read a sample of the book here.  

Note: I'm switching my blogsite to a new host. Please visit readingremy.com and subscribe!