Parenting without Shame

Someone stopped me the other day and said, "I bought your book and I'm getting a lot out of it in regard to parenting".  I had to smile because I get that a lot. The book wasn't written with parents in mind but so many of my examples refer to parenting that it's a natural connection.

I suppose I could rework the book using the same information and just target parents. But in the mean time you should know that the book can help you in this department. In fact, it definitely helped me with my parenting. Fifteen years ago when I was researching the topic of shame it dawned on me that I had shame issues and I was passing them on to my children. You've probably heard it said that "hurt people hurt". Well, "shamed people shame" as well.


I sat my teenage kids down and explained what I had learned about myself. I defined shame.  I  told them what it looked like in our lives and apologized for my shaming ways. I warned them that I'd probably still do it some more...I was a work in progress...but I wanted them to know what it looked like so they would know when to discount what I might say or do. I've come a long way over the years. I have a pretty good "shame detector" in my brain now that keeps me from shaming people or at least alerts me to when I do it so I can apologize appropriately.


Healing the Hurts of Your Past will help you see what it looks like to shame your children and how to reframe your parenting to be more positive in your approach.

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Shame and Sabbath

I'm doing some study on the Sabbath right now. The Sabbath was instituted by God to make us stop and reflect...to enjoy all that God has given us rather than continually striving for more.


It occurred to me that there is a connection between shame and not taking a Sabbath rest. Hurt/shamed people are often driven people. They are driven to prove their worth, driven to make up for past regrets, driven to show that they aren't as hopeless as they feel.


But God calls us to stop, find his rest and hear his voice. Rather than chase the approval of the world, listen to God's voice of unconditional acceptance and approval...not for what you've done through your striving but for who you are...his child.


Maybe you are afraid to stop, rest and listen for fear of what you will hear. Maybe the voices you hear are not of God but of yourself or your parents or other people telling you to do more, work harder, make something of yourself. That's not the voice of God. Listen harder. Listen closer. Beneath all the busyness is a voice calling you to Himself, calling you to wholeness simply by finding your identity in Him. But in order to hear that voice you need to stop and listen. That's what Sabbath is about.

Note: I'm switching my blogsite to a new host. Please visit readingremy.com and subscribe!