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Remy Diederich

Who is Really to Blame for Whitney Houston's Death?

I had the pleasure of attending the traveling play "End of the Rainbow". It's the story of the last days of Judy Garland's life (star of The Wizard of Oz).  She was on and off drugs. Her voice was failing. People took advantage of her.  Her shows were often wrecks but she was still a delightful person.

I left sad that this incredible talent lived trapped in a culture of people who didn't know how to manage her nor did she know how to manage herself. She died at the age of 47.

Two days later I learned of Whitney Houston's death. It was like déjà vu.  Having just learned of Garland's end Houston's death made sense. There were so many similarities.

There is a lot of finger-pointing now. Who is to blame? Is it Whitney? Is it her friends? Her doctors? Even God?

The finger-pointing itself is a sign of our broken culture. We don't get it. We are so desperate for a hero... a savior... that when a talent comes along we enshrine them and give them whatever they want as long as they keep us happy. We push them away from us to preserve them for our own benefit leaving them bereft of a healthy context to live.

We want more and more from them and so they comply to get the affirmations they so desperately crave.  If it takes a pill here or there, so be it. It's all for the "greater good". It turns into a very sick symbiotic relationship; each party dependent on the other to survive.

But when our heroes crash and burn what do  we do? We either denounce them or we worship them one last time.. .sadly, with a funeral. Ultimately the end result is the same... we move on and look for the next savior to enthrone.

Who is to blame? To the extent that we embrace this craziness, we all are.  When we remove God from the equation we naturally go looking for a savior, in a person or a bottle or on a stage. Put God back into the equation and we regain perspective and balance.

We should be thankful for a talent like Whitney Houston's. She was a gift to us all.  We should nurture people with these gifts not milk them dry and then discard them.

The culture is broken. But we can breathe life and dignity back into it by reversing the disease in small ways. I'm all for that.

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Connecting the Dots to Past Pain

People don't give themselves much credit.

Does that describe you? They see dysfunction in their life and assume that they are just messed up. They are deficient by nature and will never get any better. There are haves and have nots in the world and they conclude that they  are one of the have nots.

This is shame.  We all have it to some degree.  But if you look deeper...if you connect the dots in your past...you'll see that you aren't "just messed up".  There is a theme. There is cause and effect.  And once you see that then you don't feel like such a misfit.  It breeds hope.

The lie we believe is that if something is wrong inside...we are ALL wrong.  Not true.  Another lie is that if something is wrong that it can't be fixed. Not true either. Don't give up on yourself so easily.

You can break the pattern of your past. You can reverse the trend. It's cause and effect. First you have to believe it's possible. Then you need a plan. And finally,  you need to take action.

My point is...give yourself some credit. You have issues. Sure. We all do. But there is something you can do about them. You don't have to stay stuck. God is present right now to help you move to a better place.

Please Note: I've created a new blogsite at  readingremy.com. I will post on both sites until my new site is attracting as much traffic as this one is. Please visit readingremy.com and subscribe. Thanks. 

Visit my new website; readingremy.com

I'm switching my blogsite to a new host. Please visit readingremy.com and subscribe!

Moving On From the Hurt

I was talking to my treatment group once about forgiveness and I was a little taken back by the level of UNforgiveness I heard. They spoke in no uncertain terms of their desire to see their offenders mercilessly destroyed.

It's interesting to me how I can talk to people for days on end about forgiveness only to realize that I'm not making ANY headway. Some people have decided...no, it's stronger than that...they have VOWED to not forgive. That's a scary thing. They have no idea what they are doing to themselves.

Jesus said that the evil one comes to steal, rob and destroy us. I'm convinced that one of his schemes of destruction is unforgiveness. It's like a cancer that eats away at your soul every day you allow it to be there. Yet we believe the lie that unforgiveness empowers us.

Forgiveness sets you free from that cancer. We don't need to forgive the small things. We forget those things. It's the BIG things we need to forgive; abuse, betrayal, divorce. We forgive because we CAN'T forget. If we don't forgive we are cursed to carry the pain for the rest of our lives. How foolish is that?

If someone hurts you once...why do you want to marry yourself to that person through hatred and revenge, allowing their memory to hurt you over and over again? You invite them back into your life everyday to abuse you one more time. The best thing you can do for YOURSELF is forgive. Move on. Take back your life. Let God deal with your abuser/betrayer.

My class had a 60 year old man and a 20 year old girl...both trapped in unforgiveness. The 60 year old had been that way his entire life...and it showed in every deep line on his face. I hoped the girl saw what I saw. I wanted to ask her...is that what you want to look like in 40 years? Is your bitterness and resentment worth it? Her hatred doesn't hurt her offender...only her.

If she DID hurt him with some act of retribution, what would that achieve? Then she would have to deal with the guilt and consequences. Plus, she would reduce herself to her offender's level.  I want her to have a good life. I want her to be free to reclaim her life. Forgiveness is her only hope. Could it be yours too?

To learn more click to review the book.


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Are You Worthless or Just Flawed?

Shame is rooted in the lies we believe about ourselves. Where there are no lies there is no shame.  A big lie that many believe, in one form or another, is that we are worthless.  We see a flaw, an imperfection or defect in ourselves and we take the flying leap of logic that if we are flawed we might as well give up. 

That’s a huge mistake. 

Here’s a secret that you might not know: we are all flawed. No one is perfect. We all wrestle with something. There. Does that help?  It doesn’t fix your flaw but another lie of shame is that YOU are the only one with a problem. YOU don’t fit in. Everyone else has their act together. YOU are a misfit. 

Don’t go there.   

It helps to know that we are all in the same boat.  We are all flawed. We all need help and that’s why rather than pointing the finger at each other we should come together to help and encourage each other. Most people work very hard at covering up their flaws. But don't be fooled. They are there. You are not alone.

The Bible tells us that something happened to us as a race.  We lost something.  Something’s missing. It’s been that way from the beginning.  That’s not a lie. That’s the truth and we all know it.   There' no need to beat each other up about it or judge people for it.  

But it's helpful  to know what kind of material we are starting with when we seek to find healing for our hurts. Denying our flaws only prolongs the healing. Embrace the flaw and move on. I can’t get healing for my disease until I admit I have it.  Don’t let the shame of your issues cause you to go into hiding. Face the truth. Admit your flaws and seek help. And most importantly...invite God into the process. He knows what’s missing. He will lead you to a place of help and healing if you listen and follow.

To learn more check out Healing the Hurts of Your Past.

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Helping Hurting People TV Interview (5min)

I was recently interviewed on our NBC affiliate about my book. Part one here gives a little background on me plus the problem of shame, why I wrote the book, and who the book was written for.  


Part two gives a brief summary of the solution to healing emotional hurts like depression, etc.  To see part two click this link to WEAU

Note: I'm switching my blogsite to a new host. Please visit readingremy.com and subscribe!