Helping Hurting People TV Interview (5min)

I was recently interviewed on our NBC affiliate about my book. Part one here gives a little background on me plus the problem of shame, why I wrote the book, and who the book was written for.  


Part two gives a brief summary of the solution to healing emotional hurts like depression, etc.  To see part two click this link to WEAU

Note: I'm switching my blogsite to a new host. Please visit readingremy.com and subscribe!

Loved Before You Were Born

In attempting to describe unconditional love I often refer to the love of a parent. If you are a parent you'll get this. When does a parent first love the child? When it's born?  When it becomes viable in the womb? When it was conceived?  Most parents tell me that they loved their child even before conception. They loved the child even when it was a hope or a dream in their mind.


I can  tell you when you didn't first love your child. It wasn't when they performed well for you! Some parents might wait a lifetime for that!  Think of the first year...lots of diapers and late night feedings. Not much performance to get excited about there. Or think as they grow...all of those household chores and lawnmowings that they never did or did well. Imagine a parent that withheld their love waiting for their child to reach a certain level of achievement (unfortunately, they exist but I think you know what  I'm saying). 


If we, as humans, can offer unconditonal love for our children...how much more can God?  The Bible tells us this...


Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son. Ephesians 1:4-6, The Message

The heart of overcoming our shame lies in understanding that we are loved by God apart from what we do. Period. No "but's" or "what about's". When you can embrace that truth in your innermost being then the pain of your shame will begin to melt away.

Note: I'm switching my blogsite to a new host. Please visit readingremy.com and subscribe!

Video Intro to Healing the Hurts of Your Past

Cross Point Publishing and I will be working to offer chapter by chapter vignettes of Healing the Hurts of Your Past. Here is a simple overview of the book itself...train whistle and all!

The Lion King and Shame

I teach through the content of my book at least six times a year at the local treatment center. I'm always amazed at the clarity that showing clips from The Lion King movie bring to the teaching. It's a real eye opener to people. It's a movie that most people have seen but they've never seen the teachable moments. Let me lay out the basics;

• The roots of Simba's shame: trauma, abuse, ridicule (he saw his father killed)
• The lies of shame: "It's my fault" and since he felt disqualified... "I'm not the king"
• The fruit of believing these lies: Isolation. He ran away from his community.
• The solution: His father told him..."Remember who you are", that is, the king.

We live what we believe even if what we believe is wrong. How many of us have put a limit on our success and happiness because we don't believe we deserve it?  What if success and happiness wasn't related to deserving it? What if success and happiness was a gift given by a loving God? If you were to believe THAT do you think things might change?


In the movie, Simba chose to believe he was the king and in remembering who he was he returned to take the throne. The emotional high point of the story is when  he climbs Pride Rock to claim his rightful role as king. I wonder...what will it take to reclaim your rightful place in life?

Note: I'm switching my blogsite to a new host. Please visit readingremy.com and subscribe!

Coping Mechanisms and Shame

A big section of my book focuses on the "fruit" of shame. These are really coping mechanisms that we use to help take the edge off the pain of shame.

I compare these coping mechanisms to a person carrying a tool belt full of tools.  We all want to be prepared. We all know that every job requires it's own set of tools.  And so it is with shame. We have a variety of tools to deal with it. We might be a perfectionist one day, a people-pleaser the next and an intimidator the next. Whatever it takes.

People often see this range of behavior and it concerns them. They don't know what's wrong with them. It makes no sense. It's like they have multiple personalities.  But once you understand shame it all makes sense. They don't have multiple personalities or even multiple problems. They have one problem; shame. They just have a variety of ways of dealing with it.

But tool belts get heavy. The more tools the more weight and the more weight the harder life is day to day. Trying to prevent the pain of shame is a full time job. It requires a lot of tools and a lot of skill. Shame alone is bad enough. But trying to prevent it or cover it up makes life that much harder. It wears you out.

So why not just deal with it? Just because you have shame doesn't mean that you are obligated to keep it. We are about to turn the page on a new year. What if 2012 was the year you quit coping with shame and you eliminated it instead?

Note: I'm switching my blogsite to a new host. Please visit readingremy.com and subscribe!

Connecting the Dot's of Past Pain

One thing I've found is that people often don't give themselves much credit. They see dysfunction in their life and they assume that they are just messed up. They are deficient by nature and will never get any better. There are haves and have nots in the world and they are one of the have nots.


But what I do in my book is to help you connect the dots of your past. There are roots of shame that everyone has. Each root typically produces a number of lies that speak to us on a daily basis. It's no wonder we have the problems we do. If what we believe about ourselves is wrong then our behavior will naturally be wrong (self-defeating). Garbage in. Garbage out.


My book helps diagnose the garbage that has gone into your life. You'll learn about the lies you believe and what caused them in the first place. I then show you why those lies cause the dysfunctional behavior you have. But more than diagnose the problem I help you to see how you can break the patterns of behavior that the lies have produced in your life.


My point is...give yourself some credit. You have issues. Sure. We all do. But there is something you can do about them. You don't have to be stuck. God is present right now to help you move to a better place.

Note: I'm switching my blogsite to a new host. Please visit readingremy.com and subscribe!